What it means to be a servant. I have been inadvertently meditating on this the past few days and today Kṛṣṇa (pronounced Krishna) finally gave the words for the meditation hence the title. I have been analyzing my own resistance to the Lord’s Hands in my life. My lack of a partner, my busy schedule, my perceived lack of alignment with being in school. I have decided that I am going to surrender into the present moment in a way that I have never before. It is a softening, in the mood of my spiritual master, that says “Kṛṣṇa I am Yours. If You dance me left, I’ll go left. If You dance me right, I’ll go right.”
It sounds simple in theory. In the path of bhakti, this is the whole summum bonum of what we’re doing here. We chant in the mood of “My Dear Lord, please engage me in your service.” However, I have been realizing how I had subtly been assuming a mood of master without even realizing it. I had adopted a mood that these were MY services, and that I was doing them for MY future. This created a false sense of “needing to figure it out." “Do I stay in school? For how long? Am I going to get my master's degree? What will I do if I just quit it all?” I have been stressed and obsessive over trying to understand what I have no control over.
It is not up to me whether I stay in school or do something else. It is all up to Kṛṣṇa’s sweet perfect timing. He will make it clear by the opportunities He arranges or not. I just have to stay present in order to see His Will manifest in my life. I haven’t been able to do that so well because of a core rejection of the present moment that I carry. “This is wrong. It shouldn’t be this way. Why is it so hard? I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to do this. Somebody get me out.” That’s a whole lot of “I-, I-, I-’s”...
And that’s a tough pill to swallow. "What do you mean I am being selfish, Kṛṣṇa? Have I not given my life to You? Have I not sacrificed everything I knew and loved for your service? (more on this later). All of these things are true and the ocean of bhakti is endless. There is no end to the level of surrender we can attain. Even that wording gives an impression of achievement that is illusory. Surrender is not grasped. It is embodied. It is revived.
So, a wise woman, my dear spiritual teacher*, once said patience is surrendering to Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Time Factor. Her beloved teacher, my dear most spiritual grandfather**, said the formula for peace is recognizing Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Controller, the Supreme Proprietor, and our Supreme Friend. In this way, may we go forth and approach this week in a mood of surrender; in utter limpness to the Lord’s will; like a glove on His hand perfectly ready to move in whatever way He wishes without resistance. And this doesn’t mean idleness, nor stagnation. More on this another time…
From His student devotee,
Ananga-latā